For a long time hell refused to let me go, and for just as long my savior-to-be refused to let me rot there. Nicole held on to me, enduring the tragic experience that is being with a man whose heart is reluctant to cede space to a new lover. She waged a battle that no other woman before her had been willing to wage for me. A battle that I, myself would not wage for a woman. Little by little my heart softened. Little by little hell loosened its grip on me.

Hell is a thing of the past. Heaven is closer. I see the door. Soon I will knock, and I know the door will open…:)

This one’s to love… my first, my next…

Strange that I’m able to remain faithful to her, even willing to turn down women at one point I desired, yet she’s never seen me being my most loving, as loving as I’ve only been at one period in my life.

Strange that I’ve come close to making a decision regarding us, that can affect my life in infinite ways, yet she thinks I’m only using her as a stepping-stone.

I can’t tell her that I love her, yet I wouldn’t do something so serious that would cause her to want out of our relationship. I cherish her. I’d want her to stick around with me for as long as possible.

These past weeks I’ve been content with life. That’s an improvement! I’m not happy yet, but she’s leading me there. She’s filling up a hole that at one point was so deep it had no bottom. She’s healing a wound that at one point seemed incurable. I’m confident that if she sticks around long enough, she will find herself with a seeing man who was once blind, a hearing man who was once deaf, a speaking man who was once unable to speak. It’ll be me, having healed completely, loving my healer…