Saturday, April 5, 2003

Unlike in past days when her being gone was a good thing, because it’d give me time to myself to do homework, Nicole being gone Thursday evening had a negative effect on me. I felt lonely. Julio Jaramillo and Los Magallones played through my computer, aggravating things. It used to hold true that in lonely moments I used to wonder what Amber was doing at that precise moment. Now, being lonely means that events that took place as a result of her betrayal replay in my mind over and over again.

A bench in Hollywood High School is where I rested, under a tree that lost had its leaves — it was Fall of 1999. The sun shined through it branches, giving me an excuse to cover my eyes with my palms. It would be better that way, because then I’d be able to wipe my tears with ease and without being too obvious, if someone approached.

A bus going through Hollywood Boulevard, in the City of the Stars, carried a distressed passenger. People sat to his left, to his right, and in front of him. He could not see them clearly. His view was blurry. It’s hard to see through tears.

The seats of the football stadium at Los Angeles Valley College is where he sat to view an empty field. He was the only one there. That’s what he needed, privacy. He needed time to think.

A bridge in North Hills was crossed by the same man to be interviewed for a job at an elementary school. He had never been interviewed for a job before. He wasn’t nervous at all because his mind was elsewhere, preoccupied with other things.

A classroom in the school where he had been hired is where the man was, staring at the walls, the ceiling, the board, anything. There were students giving the teacher trouble, but the man was not aware of it. He was daydreaming.

He laid in bed with a girl he was seeing. He held her in his arms. He looked at a clock and asked himself, “Where is Amber?”

It’s in the last few months that I’ve lived better days. Hmm, Los Magallones are playing a song right now that carry a message for Nicole. Let me end this entry with its lyrics (translation, not word-for-word)…


I carried so much burden on my soul, that when I saw you, I never thought that I’d ever have someone, again. You’re my new lover. And although I’m aware that I shall suffer as a result of that, even to the point of losing my life, I can assure you that you shall be my consented one. And nobody shall be loved, as I will love you. Make our thing sacred. Don’t let other people’s views have a say on what’s to become of us. My heart shall remain in your arms, when once and for all you’ve decided I’m the one.

Mi Consentida (Los Magallones)

Llevo tantas penas en el alma
Que al mirarte a ti nunca pense
Que pudiera al fin otra vez tener

Eres mi nuevo amor sutel
Y aunque lo pague con el precio de mi vida
Y aunque comprenda lo que tengo que sufrir
Puedo jurar que tu seras mi consentida
Y que a nadie quiero tanto como a ti

Haz que contigo mi calvario se haga santo
Nada me importa lo que digan los demas
Mi corazon se ha de quedar entre tus brazos
Cuando al fin estes cansada ya de tanto amar

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