Sunday, July 24, 2005
I’m giving happiness another chance, but this time without you. Seek your own happiness; leave me alone and never bother to think of me. A long time ago we were able to light the fire of passion, but all that is behind us… love left to die is never again to be had.
Quiero volver a vivir
Nunca te acuerdes de mí
Posted by at 8:00 am [Permalink]
Sunday, December 21, 2003
It was either a Friday or a Saturday evening, several years ago. It was definitely a cloudy evening. An evening almost as cloudy as the way I felt inside. I had parked my car where I could see the spot on the park where I was hoping people would show up to play soccer. While I waited in my car, I read a book on how to overcome a lost love.
The book had a chapter on jealousy; how to go about easing it. It’s what I needed to learn more about. Jealousy was killing me. I was desperate to find a cure. I tried several things, and out of all of them, it seems that the best one was time… the passage of it. I just had to hang-on tight.
I don’t understand why you’ve said that you’ve seen it in my eyes that I’ve been crying for you. No matter how teary-eyed I may seem to you, rest assured that it has nothing to do with losing you. I gave you proof of this tonight. You spent the night with somebody else just to hurt my feelings. But instead of getting upset, as you had expected, I looked the other way and I bursted in laughter.
If I ever cry, don’t go thinking it has to do with your love, which I’ve already lost. That’s no longer worthy of tears. I’ve cried enough thinking that one day you’d come to forget me. At that time I’d cry, but I’m through with that: I no longer cry for your heart.
But I do remember the moments when you’d tell me that you loved me with all the endearment of your heart. But don’t go thinking that I was foolish enough to allow you to conquer my soul. I’ve never loved you — why would I deny this? — and now I want nothing to do with you.
Truth be told, at one time I’d get jealous upon seeing you with somebody else. This because mine was the warmth of of your lips, and yours were the thousands of kisses that came from mine.
I never thought I’d one day cry over a lost love. Prior to losing you, I still hadn’t come to know pain. I felt an agony when I saw you walk away without even bothering to give me a farewell kiss. I almost died of sorrow, but I’m over that.
Now, when I cry, rest assured it has nothing to do with you. Your heart is no longer worthy of my tears. I cried enough just thinking that one day you’d forget me. And now that it’s been done, I want nothing to do with you.
Posted by at 6:12 am [Permalink]
Saturday, December 6, 2003
I had been meaning to visit the indoor swapmeet at Lankershim and Saticoy (North Hollywood) to purchase a CD of Chayito Valdez. I dig some of her songs. Then the other day I found a CD of hers. One I thought was too scratched to be listened to. I put it aside because I lacked the time to check it out. This morning I had the time… and joy, my favorite songs could still be heard. Here is one…
Gathered around the table, filled with sadness, my children and I stare at the empty chair. I know that with your infamy and unfaithfulness your life was ruined; but so was theirs and mine. Sometimes they ask where you are, and it hurts that I have to lie, telling them that you’re in heaven; that from up there you can see us; that while you were alive you loved us immensely; that you were a saint. I had to lie to them in order to spare them the pain. I could not tell them the truth, that you dared to abandon your home and your children for another lover.
Sometimes they ask if you’re in heaven, and I bite my lips as I say that you are. By God, sometimes I’m filled with jealousy knowing that they love you, much more than they love me. Except the eldest. He knows of your unfaithfulness, and lowers his eyes so that they won’t meet mine. He never enters your room, nor does he call your name. He loves to isolate himself from others… far, far from others. I see our youngest daughter running around the house, with her childish smile and innocent joy. She suddenly stops to hug and kiss you, but all she touches is the empty chair.
Rodeados de la mesa
Más sé que con tu engaño y tu infamia quedó
A veces me preguntan
Les digo que en el cielo
Les tuve que mentir por no hacerlos sufrir
A veces me preguntan si estás en el cielo. Y me muerdo los labios al decir que sí. Por Dios que hay momentos que he sentido celos, de ver que te quieren mucho más que a mí. Veo al mas grandecito que ya entiende tu infamia, y baja le vista sin verme de frente. Nunca entra a tu cuarto ni tu nombre aclama. Y le gusta aislarse lejos, lejos de la gente. Veo a la más pequeña correr por la casa. Con su sonrisa infantil y su inocente alegría. Luego se detiene, te besa y te abraza. Aunque solo acaricia, la silla vacía.
Les tuve que mentir por no hacerlos sufrir
Posted by at 1:07 pm [Permalink]