Sunday, December 21, 2003
It was either a Friday or a Saturday evening, several years ago. It was definitely a cloudy evening. An evening almost as cloudy as the way I felt inside. I had parked my car where I could see the spot on the park where I was hoping people would show up to play soccer. While I waited in my car, I read a book on how to overcome a lost love.
The book had a chapter on jealousy; how to go about easing it. It’s what I needed to learn more about. Jealousy was killing me. I was desperate to find a cure. I tried several things, and out of all of them, it seems that the best one was time… the passage of it. I just had to hang-on tight.
I don’t understand why you’ve said that you’ve seen it in my eyes that I’ve been crying for you. No matter how teary-eyed I may seem to you, rest assured that it has nothing to do with losing you. I gave you proof of this tonight. You spent the night with somebody else just to hurt my feelings. But instead of getting upset, as you had expected, I looked the other way and I bursted in laughter.
If I ever cry, don’t go thinking it has to do with your love, which I’ve already lost. That’s no longer worthy of tears. I’ve cried enough thinking that one day you’d come to forget me. At that time I’d cry, but I’m through with that: I no longer cry for your heart.
But I do remember the moments when you’d tell me that you loved me with all the endearment of your heart. But don’t go thinking that I was foolish enough to allow you to conquer my soul. I’ve never loved you — why would I deny this? — and now I want nothing to do with you.
Truth be told, at one time I’d get jealous upon seeing you with somebody else. This because mine was the warmth of of your lips, and yours were the thousands of kisses that came from mine.
I never thought I’d one day cry over a lost love. Prior to losing you, I still hadn’t come to know pain. I felt an agony when I saw you walk away without even bothering to give me a farewell kiss. I almost died of sorrow, but I’m over that.
Now, when I cry, rest assured it has nothing to do with you. Your heart is no longer worthy of my tears. I cried enough just thinking that one day you’d forget me. And now that it’s been done, I want nothing to do with you.
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