Saturday, October 25, 2003
Strange that I can’t tell a girl that I love her, yet I can’t imagine life being the same without her. I’d be alright most of the time, but I know that I’d crave her presence and wish we hadn’t ended our thing.
Strange that I’m able to remain faithful to her, even willing to turn down women at one point I desired, yet she’s never seen me being my most loving, as loving as I’ve only been at one period in my life.
Strange that I’ve come close to making a decision regarding us, that can affect my life in infinite ways, yet she thinks I’m only using her as a stepping-stone.
I can’t tell her that I love her, yet I wouldn’t do something so serious that would cause her to want out of our relationship. I cherish her. I’d want her to stick around with me for as long as possible.
These past weeks I’ve been content with life. That’s an improvement! I’m not happy yet, but she’s leading me there. She’s filling up a hole that at one point was so deep it had no bottom. She’s healing a wound that at one point seemed incurable. I’m confident that if she sticks around long enough, she will find herself with a seeing man who was once blind, a hearing man who was once deaf, a speaking man who was once unable to speak. It’ll be me, having healed completely, loving my healer…
Through my eyes you’ll see my sadness. In your dreams you’ll hear a voice. It’s the voice of your saddened heart, in its desperate state telling you, “Please leave. What are you waiting for?”
When you’ve become convinced that my feelings for you are not sincere, I will not say a word upon seeing you leave. Be aware, however, that I’ve never betrayed you, I promise by God and heaven. No one can be more faithful than I am, or love you as I will.
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