Tuesday, May 3, 2005I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung. Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. If it weren’t for electricity we’d all be watching television by candlelight. I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies. If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either. An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex. This is the sixth book I’ve written, which isn’t bad for a guy who’s only read two. When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. I rob banks because that’s where the money is. The trouble with children is that they’re not returnable. The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it. All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped! I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person? A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. It’s all been one Titanic fuck up since day one! Posted by at 9:32 pm [Permalink]
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